So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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