Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
