When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
