the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
