she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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