Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
