I look better un-naked...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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