I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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