I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
