Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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