i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
