In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
