It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
