We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
