Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
