Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
