Sponge bath it is.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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