Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
