Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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