I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
