if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
