Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
