i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I supernannyed him into submission
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
