the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
