oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
