You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
