Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
