White coat. Heels.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
