If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
