My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
