i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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