Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They are going to name an STD after you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
