do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
