I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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