It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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