In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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