You can't special order awesome
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
