There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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