people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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