I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
