Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
