Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im six kinds of drunk right now
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
