Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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