My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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