sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
