You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
