I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
