everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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