I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
