When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
