You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
