I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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