There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
