You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
