So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
