Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
