And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
