Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
