the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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