if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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