he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes