suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me