I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me