dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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