I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
