there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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