when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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