I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
