I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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